Welcome to the 17th edition of North Star Blueprints! In this weekly newsletter, we embark on a journey of personal and professional growth, offering observations, strategies, and inspiration to help you navigate life’s challenges and reach new heights of success. This edition will provide a summary of the daily insights I posted throughout the week, packed with valuable tips, thought-provoking ideas, and actionable advice on how to communicate effectively, give and receive feedback, and understand non-verbal cues, in the hopes of helping you to unleash your better self.
June 10: Practice Active Listening
Talk with anyone, in any setting, and you’ll notice conversations will tend to revolve around them – people love to talk about themselves. Unfortunately, in the process of talking they tend to focus on what they have to say as oppose to what is being said by everyone else. They hear but don’t listen.
Enter Active Listening – a skill that involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said. It allows you to form a stronger connection with others by building an environment of trust and respect, while gaining a deeper grasp of the nuances and underlying issues in any discussion.
Stay Present: Focus entirely on the speaker. Avoid distractions such as checking your phone or thinking about your response while they are talking.
Reflect and Clarify: Summarize what the speaker has said and ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their point of view correctly.
Show Empathy: Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings and perspectives without immediately offering solutions or judgments.
Use Non-Verbal Cues: Maintain eye contact, nod, and use facial expressions to show that you are engaged in the conversation.
Avoid Interrupting: Let the speaker finish their thoughts before you respond. This shows that you respect their opportunity to express themselves fully.
You don’t have to agree with what is being said, you just need to acknowledge that it is being said. Active listening facilitates more effective problem-solving and collaboration, and you always stand to benefit from such improvements. Next time you’re in a conversation remember to stay engaged – listening can be a lot harder than talking, and we could all use some practice.
June 11: Learn to give constructive feedback
Over the past couple months, I had to give a lot of feedback – projects ended, new projects started, performance reviews were underway, and so on. It got me thinking… what’s the best way to deliver feedback?
Giving feedback effectively is a crucial skill in both professional and personal contexts. Constructive feedback helps individuals understand their strengths and areas for improvement, it’s the best way to grow quickly! Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to navigate. To give feedback that is both effective and respectful, it’s essential to follow a structured approach:
Be Specific and Objective: Avoid vague comments; be clear and specific. Instead of “You need to improve your reports,” say “Your reports would be more effective with detailed data analysis.”
Focus on Behaviour, Not Personality: Target actions and behaviors, not personal traits. Replace “You are careless” with “The last report had several data entry errors.”
Use the “Sandwich” Method: Start with positive feedback, then address areas for improvement, and end with another positive note. For example, “Your presentation was engaging. Adding more detailed examples would enhance it. Your delivery was excellent.”
Be Timely: Provide feedback soon after the event. This ensures relevance and helps the recipient make immediate improvements.
Encourage Dialogue: Make feedback a two-way conversation. Encourage questions and thoughts to clarify and ensure understanding.
When giving feedback, it’s crucial to approach the conversation with empathy and respect. Understand that receiving feedback can be challenging, and approach the discussion with the intent to support and help the recipient grow. By following these principles, you can provide feedback that is clear, constructive, and conducive to growth. This approach not only helps individuals improve but also strengthens relationships and promotes a culture of continuous learning and development.
June 12: How to take feedback effectively
Yesterday I was reflecting on how to give feedback in a manner that resonates with whoever needs to hear it. But what about receiving feedback? How do you deal with feedback when it’s directed at you? How do you use this opportunity for growth and development?
The first step in receiving feedback is to approach it with an open mind and a positive attitude. Instead of viewing feedback as criticism, consider it an opportunity to learn and improve. Listening actively without interrupting or becoming defensive is crucial. After receiving the feedback, it’s helpful to ask clarifying questions to gain a deeper understanding of the specific points being made. This not only shows that you are engaged but also helps to clarify any ambiguities.
If the feedback is indeed valid, and the supporting points that have been made are relevant, then it’s time to do the hard work and improve on them, seeking further guidance if necessary. And if you feel the feedback wasn’t particularly valid or was an isolated occurrence, then move on, not every piece of feedback needs to be actioned upon.
Be Open and Receptive: Listen without interrupting or getting defensive, and view feedback as an opportunity for growth.
Clarify and Ask Questions: Seek specific examples to fully understand the feedback.
Avoid Taking It Personally: Focus on the actions or work being critiqued, not your character.
Reflect on the Feedback: Consider how the feedback applies to your work or behavior and identify areas for improvement.
Take Action and Follow Up: Develop a plan to address the feedback, make improvements, and discuss progress with the feedback giver.
By adopting these practices, you can transform feedback into a powerful tool for personal and professional development, fostering an environment where growth and learning are encouraged and valued.
June 13: Non-verbal communication matters
The last few insights revolved around communication and feedback, focusing on what to say. In reality, it’s not so much about what we say, but rather how we say it.
Non-verbal communication plays a crucial role in how our messages are conveyed and interpreted. It encompasses a wide range of behaviors, including facial expressions, gestures, posture, eye contact, and tone of voice. These cues can reinforce or contradict what we say, providing additional sub-context and meaning. For instance, you might say “I’m fine,” but your tone is flat and you avoid eye contact, it might point to the contrary. In other words, the delivery of a message is just, if not more, as important as the content itself. Here are some of the main cues you should pay extra attention to:
Maintain Eye Contact: Show engagement and interest by making natural and comfortable eye contact.
Use Open Body Language: Keep your posture open and relaxed, avoiding crossed arms or legs.
Mind Your Tone of Voice: Vary pitch, volume, and speed to convey the right emotions and keep the listener engaged.
Understanding non-verbal cues is the key to improving our overall communication allowing us to better connect with the people around us, conveying a wide range of emotions and thoughts to back up what we say. By being aware of and intentionally using non-verbal signals, you can improve your day to day interactions and ensure that the intended message is received accurately and positively.
June 14: What Every Body Is Saying
To conclude a week of insights about communication and human interaction, I want to recommend the book “What Every Body is Saying” by Joe Navarro. I read it a few years ago and found it to be incredibly useful to better understand the subtle yet powerful signals that our bodies unconsciously send out in every social interaction.
Navarro, a former FBI agent and expert in nonverbal communication, offers readers interesting concepts and practical advice, breaking down the art of reading body language, and decoding the unspoken messages that lie beneath every gesture, posture, and facial expression. Some interesting topics that the book covers through Navarro’s stories and real life experiences include:
Universal Expressions: Learn to interpret universal nonverbal cues like facial expressions that transcend cultural differences.
Clusters of Behaviour: Look for patterns of nonverbal cues rather than isolated gestures to accurately understand emotions and intentions.
Baseline Behaviours: Establish a baseline for an individual’s typical behavior to detect deviations that may signal discomfort or deception.
Contextual Analysis: Consider the situation, personality, and cultural background when interpreting body language.
Adapting Communication: Adapt your communication style based on nonverbal cues to build rapport and convey empathy effectively.
You might find that not all examples are relevant to your day-to-day interactions, especially given that many of them are set in the context of criminal investigation and interrogation. With that said, all the cues Navarro is covering surface in our daily interactions as well and they remain consistent across all of us.
After reading the book you will have better awareness of your own behaviour and stay better attuned to the individuals you’re talking with. Keeping the lessons from this book in mind will serve as a powerful tool to enhance your communication skills and greatly improve how you connect with the people around you. Make sure you give it a read or listen to the audio book!
Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth and discovery. I hope these insights illuminate your path forward as you pursue your aspirations with purpose and determination. See you in next week’s edition!
